Mixture of feelings has accompanied me now. I am very clueless and do not know what to do. The negative feelings kept absorbed in this invisible blanket, and wrap myself in it. This heart cannot be shown yet still wound. This time, it suffers enough. In deep. So deep until my eyes have burst into tears. The worst part when I need to pretend that I am okay but my heart knows that I want to scream my sadness out loud. I guess the happiness is a temporary term in the dictionary of my life. I am no one for him. I never say those three words, not because i am planning not too, but he's so significant in my life until i want to wait for a very dear moment for him to express those magical words. but still, what had happened was so unpredictable. So unexpected. at the moment I felt very close to him, and completely open my life for him, he left me with no reason. Because of this exquisite feeling, stupidly, I pray for him to come back in my life, and be with me. Why ALLAH it ends this way? Don't I deserve to be happy too? or it is my fate to be happy by only seeing and sharing other persons' happiness? Of course I wont never ever blame ALLAH for what had happened. But I blame myself for being weak. I'm So Sorry ALLAH!! So vulnerable inside here.
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